Have you ever made a decision about something important to you and later regretted the choice you made? I sure have. I used to think I was just stupid, had a low IQ, or mental imbalance that had me losing out on money, jobs, love and even an unexpected opportunity. I now consider bad decisions to be examples of self-sabotage. I have asked myself countless times why I would do harm to myself in this way? Many with this challenge may conclude that they are stupid like I did and perhaps seek medication to “help” the problem. Today I am excited to share that my previous conclusion was not true and I have recently learned a little-known fact about how the mind works when making decisions.
The mind sometimes appears to work in mysterious ways but this is just misinformation that was never explained to some of us. The truth I am learning in 2023 is that the mind is actually a fantastic tool when we work with it correctly.
When the mind encounters a question that it doesn’t know the answer to, a problem arises. Intelligently, it immediately kicks into gear, working towards the resolution of the problem. When it comes up with an idea, usually based on past experience, it proceeds to search for validation that this idea is correct. There are two choices available. One is to search for validation internally focused. This includes the intuition, the physical intelligence. The other is external. Experts in the field, parental figures, institutions, authority figures. More often than not, and in my case 100% of the time, the mind first searches externally for validation of the answer to a problem. Why is this? Does an outside authority know me better than I know myself? Absolutely not.
Unfortunately, that is the precise concept I was led to believe was a fact from my earliest experiences with outside authorities, much to my detriment. For example, at a large family reunion in the dead of winter, a group of men were preparing to go on a rough and tumble snowmobile ride through a large, snow covered grain field made up of uneven terrain. I was a preschooler and could sense their excitement as they prepared. I saw the huge machines for the first time in my life and got excited too! I indicated I wanted to go too. Rather than make a wise decision that I was too small to even fit on a snowmobile properly in order to stay on during the fast-moving trip they had planned in frigid wind-chill, the men laughed and put me on the back of a huge machine. That was one example of a poor decision I made regarding my health and wellbeing. I started crying early on the ride due to the screaming engines hurting my ears, the numerous times I slipped and almost fell off, and the frostbite that settled into all my limbs. The speed of the machines took my breath and my voice away. Nobody heard me over the screaming engines. The shock, pain and overwhelm had me dissociated by the end of the trip. I could not think or feel anything in my body. I was in shock. As I stood shakily on solid ground, amazed I wasn’t dead, I heard somebody ask how I enjoyed the ride. All conversation stopped as all eyes turned to me. There were about 10 men there. I broke down in tears, and cried my eyes out again. As they burst into laughter I wanted to disappear. Something was very wrong but I didn’t understand what it was. As a preschooler, I was getting another taste of demoralization. Silence and shame covered me and the longing of my heart to be loved and accepted was turning into self-hate.
What did my mind and heart conclude from this one experience? What I feel is shameful, weak and embarrassing. The authority figures in my life KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING, and I do not. Year after year, decade after decade this distortion in my thinking had me unknowingly making bad decisions. I even felt physical pain when having to make a decision and perhaps this episode linked the two together.
Another reason one may be quick to look externally for validation is because when the mind goes internally to the intuition for an answer to the problem oftentimes it will NOT receive validation. What? Why would that be? Perhaps because the mind was never in alignment with that intuitive state of awareness to begin with. Sometimes the mind can CREATE problems or issues that are nonsense and just stir up drama.
The mind can also go into a lock down state with “It must be MY way or nothing” because it is terrified of the void. The void being that gap between asking for information and the timing of the heart to reveal its truth.
To see this process for what it is helps us begin to reframe things with the mind when it goes back and forth, causing us stress. The mind CAN be retrained, because it is adaptable. We can remind it that it doesn’t have enough information. Direct it to one of the four states of awareness: the heart, the belief structure, the physical intelligence or the sense of belonging. If we don’t have enough information to make a wise, neutral decision, we check in with the four states of awareness we all have within us. I have an example from my recent life experience to help illustrate this process.
Earlier in the year, I had an important decision to make regarding switching mobile phone company providers. I had a short time to comply with their changes. I felt backed into a corner because I had no idea what to do and felt that old desperation to get the decision over with so I wouldn’t have to feel this uncertainty. I was being told to do something I did not want to do but could not think of a better alternative. In the past I would make bad decisions consistently in similar scenarios because I would automatically seek external advice from others rather than going to my intuition and my heart. This time I said NO! This time I could sense my physical intelligence telling me there was something better waiting for me. It was a subtle voice, but persistent. I made a new decision to wait. I slept on it. I ignored my mind’s advice and waited on my intuition to guide me. Days went buy. I would have thoughts that something bad was going to happen if I didn’t do what the institution told me to do in their emails. More days went by and I totally let go, surrendered and trusted my heart’s timing, and nothing bad happened. It took awhile, but my issue was RESOLVED thanks to a “random” man I met at a café! He explained to me the alternative that would save me money and headache but most importantly give me peace of mind. Amazing! I was very pleased that trying something new after years of the old way actually yielded better results than before. I had changed a negative pattern! This process has been burned into my brain’s neuro-transmitters and actually created some new ones, ensuring a new pattern of behavior going forward.
Making the time to do an internal check on aspects of ourselves that we struggle with is truly a valuable use of time. Old patterns can be released as we open to new possibilities. How exciting and empowering it is to take advantage of new opportunities to uplevel our enjoyment of daily life. Learning to work with my mind in this new way helps me forgive myself for past mistakes and creates confidence in my innate intelligence to make wise decisions and choices for myself going forward. I now know that my formula for making decisions is to avoid rushing. Thanks to my dedication to courses designed to assist me in my truth and purpose, I am creating what I like to call a “Do Over”, and opening to make a fresh start. I see now there is ALWAYS time for a fresh start to live from our essential nature!
Learning to listen to my inner wisdom, my physical intelligence is really accelerating my self love. My inner sensations tell me like a healthy five-year-old what is yummy and what is yucky. I feel it now and I choose yummy. Making intelligent decisions is a natural part of the healthy, self-confident individual. I am beginning to enjoy my new found ability to make wise decisions and my wins are now adding up!
Tuning Into Coherence 